Relationship and Self-
Improvement
Through Guided Workbooks
Dr Valinda Harlan has compiled some of her "best of" homework, handouts, and exercises from her work as a professor of psychology and years of experience working with couples as a licensed mental health counselor to create a series of guided workbooks.
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These are intended as enrichment material for current clients and non-clients who want information and guidance to the next level of personal growth and relationship health.
You can find all of the guided workbooks on bownloadable e-books on Etsy and on Amazon as paperback books.
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BLOG: Get a summary of each workbook and how it can help
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When the same conflict keeps coming back, and conversations turn into interruptions, blame, or withdrawal, it can be hard to feel like you and your partner are on the same side.
Wanting to reconnect while feeling misunderstood is exhausting, but small changes in how you talk and listen can open a way forward.
This book offers practical exercises for listening without interrupting, naming feelings, making clear requests, and moving through conflict with care.
In Communication and Connection, you’ll also practice pausing before escalation, repairing hurt, finding shared meaning, and building rituals for connection.
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Repairing Trust
What should I do if I found out my spouse/partner cheated, lied, or betrayed me?
When betrayal shakes a relationship, you may want to rebuild trust and still feel unsure whether it is safe, or even possible, to try. This book meets you in that uncertainty and offers a structured way to understand what happened, protect yourself, and decide what comes next.
You’ll explore forms of betrayal and betrayal trauma, assess readiness, set boundaries, and practice accountability and careful conversations about affair details. Repairing Trust guides you through practical steps for working toward repair without asking you to rush your healing.
This book does not take the place of therapy. If you are in an unsafe relationship, call a hotline or seek professional help immediately.
Deepening Sexual Intimacy
When desire doesn't match, talking about sex can start to feel risky. One of you worries about pushing, the other about letting someone down, and closeness slowly gets harder to reach.
This workbook treats intimacy as something you keep building together, and it gives you a simple loop to practice: notice what's changed, name it without blame, try one small adjustment you both believe in, then come back and talk about how it went.
You'll set up rituals that fit your real life, like a short weekly check-in, a phone-free bedtime window, or an agreed "no-pressure" touch. You'll also practice separating affection from the expectation of sex, so touch can feel safe again and neither of you has to brace for a test.
The thread running through every exercise is simple: lower the pressure, make things more predictable, and leave room for honest feelings. Small, steady steps rebuild trust faster than big promises.
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Love Through Life's Changes
Later-life changes can reshape the routines, roles, and closeness you have built together, leaving you wondering how to stay connected while each of you adjusts.
If retirement, an empty nest, changing health, or shifting desire has made your relationship feel unfamiliar, your experience is real, and you can find a new way forward as a couple.
Love Through Life’s Changes offers practical ways to rethink your shared identity, create a rhythm that fits retirement, and reconnect after children leave home.
You’ll also explore hormonal and health changes, adapt intimacy, listen through conflict, and build meaning for the years ahead.
Communication and Connection
Check out all the workbooks as downloadable ebooks on Etsy under RelationshipTool
or as paperbacks on Amazon under
Relationship Guided Workbooks Series by Dr Valinda Harlan
FAQ
Who are these workbooks for?
Couples who want to work through them together, and individuals who want to work on their side of the relationship. Many exercises still help if your partner isn’t ready to join yet.
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Do I need to be a therapy client to use them?
No. They’re written to be used on your own, at home, at your own pace.
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Can a workbook replace couples therapy?
It can be a strong support, but it isn’t a substitute for therapy. If you’re dealing with an affair, ongoing conflict, or a stuck pattern you can’t shift, working with a therapist can help. I offer in-person sessions in Vancouver, WA, telehealth throughout Washington and Oregon, and relationship coaching for clients outside those states.
If you ever feel unsafe in your relationship, don't hesitate to get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at
1-800-799-7233.
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Which workbook should I start with?
Start with the one that matches what you’re facing right now. Communication and Connection is a good fit if you’re stuck in the same arguments. Repairing Trust is for couples recovering from betrayal. Deepening Sexual Intimacy is for mismatched desire or distance in the bedroom. Love Through Life’s Changes is for couples adjusting to retirement, an empty nest, or health and hormonal shifts.
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Are the workbooks ebooks or paperbacks?
All workbooks are available as ebooks through my Etsy shop, and several (soon to be all) are available in paperback on Amazon.
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How long does it take to finish one?
Go at whatever pace works for you. Many couples do one short exercise a week, which keeps it manageable and gives you time to try things between sessions.
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Is what I write in the workbook private?
Yes. These are products you use on your own, and I don’t see or collect what you write.